Dagmar Feels Appreciated

She’s really happy these days. Billy’s got a dark-green BMW and every Friday he takes her down the club in it. He doesn’t want her to go in because the language is so bad, but when he’s finished his game, he brings her out a drink and some crisps. She watches the car for him. It’s a rough area.

He’s good to her at home as well. He brings her stuff back from work – samples, he says.

Each Saturday he takes Dagmar shopping. They spend time together, checking the list she’s made, with Billy adding up the prices. He’s very careful, and she loves it when he helps her, finding a special offer or a cheaper brand. And he always pays in cash. Sometimes he seems to have a lot of it, a big wad of notes. When she asked him, he’d said ‘overtime, doll’, but she doesn’t know when he does it.

He doesn’t like her to go out. He’s kind that way. ‘It’s a bad neighbourhood.’ He buys what she wants and brings it back at night. He doesn’t always get everything she wants, or the right brand, but he says some things are bad for her or she needs to cut down, like her favourite mints and those little chocolate bars. She feels good that someone cares so much about her.

Dagmar doesn’t always like it in bed, especially when he’s been out late. He can be a bit rough. He’s explained to her that that’s the way it’s done, so she supposes that must be true – but it’s not how they show it on the TV. She’d been hoping they could have children, but he says it’s too soon, it would spoil their lives at the moment. It’s probably true, they have a good life.

She’s been lonely since her mum died, well, in the daytime. Her mum had used to come to see her for a chat. She’d not been nice about Billy though, and a few months before she died, they’d had a row. Dagmar thinks it was the illness made her mum say those things, she wished she’d known about it, she would have forgiven her. Her sister won’t speak to her now. She liked to phone her but they don’t have a phone now. Billy says you don’t need one any more if you have a mobile phone. But when he’s out she can’t use it anyway, so she doesn’t really agree. But she knows he means well.

Sometimes he takes her out for the day, to the seaside or somewhere. That’s lovely. He’s had to go away, for weeks sometimes. Something to do with work. He comes back lovely and brown. It’s so difficult for him, arranging everything to get shopping delivered for her. There’s not so many nice things, but then, there’s only one of her. And it costs five pounds extra each delivery – she must be worth it for him to pay the extra. Even if she went out, she hasn’t got any money really, anyway.

Dagmar sits waiting for Billy to come in. The TV’s on as usual, and his tea’s by the microwave, ready for her to pop it in. She’s had a sandwich. She’s happy, really.



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